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because this weekend this good man was attacked by the liberal hacks over at fox news. (laughter) just listen to chris wallace drilling ryan over romney's proposed 20% across account board tax cut. >> the obama camp says independent groups say if you cut those tax rates for everybody 20%, it costs $5 trillion over ten years, true? >> not in the least bit true. >> stephen: true, not true, who cares? (laughter) it's over ten years. romney and ryan will only be in office for eight of those. let president bachmann worry about it in 2020. that is what hindsight is for. but folks, just listen to this pit bull. >> how much would it cost. >> it's revenue neutral. >> i'm talking about the cut, we'll get to the deductions. >> the cut in tax rates is lower all american tax rate by 20%. >> how much does that cost. >> it's revenue neutral. >> stephen: okay, revenue neutral, chris. but for some reason wallace wouldn't take no answer for an answer. (laughter) jim? >> well, it's not revenue neutral unless you take away the deduction. >> let me just -- >> you haven't given me the math.
because this weekend this good man was attacked by the liberal hacks over at fox news. (laughter) just listen to chris wallace drilling ryan over romney's proposed 20% across account board tax cut. >> the obama camp says independent groups say if you cut those tax rates for everybody 20%, it costs $5 trillion over ten years, true? >> not in the least bit true. >> stephen: true, not true, who cares? (laughter) it's over ten years. romney and ryan will only be in office for...
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(laughter) or-- or romney could get a two-point bump. either way it's news. (laughter) right now, folks, the obama people where are december it fromly trying to lower expectations. it's sad, just listen to obscene your advisor and anthropomorphized vanishing sound david plouffe. (laughter) jim? >> we've accepted that governor romney will have a good night. he's prepared more than any candidate in himselfry and shown himself to be a good debater through the years. we're sure he'll put on quite a show wednesday. >> yes, if there's one word america associates with mitt romney it's "show." (laughter) meanwhile, the romney people aren't playing these silly games. they're just being honest when they hail the president as a uniquely gifted speaker who is widely regarded as one of the most talented political communicators in modern history. (laughter) yes! he's a one-in-a-generation statesman whose rhetorical gift touched the human soul! when he speaks sparrows of the wood alight upon barack's shoulders as they did upon saint francis of assisi. he's no mere man he's
(laughter) or-- or romney could get a two-point bump. either way it's news. (laughter) right now, folks, the obama people where are december it fromly trying to lower expectations. it's sad, just listen to obscene your advisor and anthropomorphized vanishing sound david plouffe. (laughter) jim? >> we've accepted that governor romney will have a good night. he's prepared more than any candidate in himselfry and shown himself to be a good debater through the years. we're sure he'll put on...
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(laughter) yet another reason we must elect mitt romney. now, unfortunately, the latest quinnipiac/"new york times"/cbs/t.c.b.y. poll has obama up by ten points in ohio, nine points in florida and 12 points in pennsylvania. (cheers and applause) i don't get it. i don't get it, folks. how can romney be behind? he's so popular that his fans are releasing bootlegs of his speeches! (laughter) folks, don't believe the critics who say this campaign doesn't have a prayer. he's going to have plenty of prayers-- thank thanks to a new web site called 40daystosaveamerica.com. >> all around us we see a nation falling around us into attacks on religious liberty. we're asking pastors and congregations all over america to commit to 40 days of prayer, fasting, and action. prayer plus fasting plus action equals change. >> stephen: that's amazing. because usually prayer plus fasting plus action equals passing out. (laughter) now, the hero-- (applause) the hero behind this project is texas pastor rick scarborough who last august helped launch rick perry's pre
(laughter) yet another reason we must elect mitt romney. now, unfortunately, the latest quinnipiac/"new york times"/cbs/t.c.b.y. poll has obama up by ten points in ohio, nine points in florida and 12 points in pennsylvania. (cheers and applause) i don't get it. i don't get it, folks. how can romney be behind? he's so popular that his fans are releasing bootlegs of his speeches! (laughter) folks, don't believe the critics who say this campaign doesn't have a prayer. he's going to have...
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who got sucked in by romney? who got sucked in? you did! >> no, i didn't. >> yes, you did! >> knock it off. >> who doesn't like it when i talk like this? you don't! >> hey, if anyone "fell for it," it's you hard liners when you nominated mitt. for pete's sake, he gave us romneycare. the inspiration for obamacare! >> which he will repeal and replace! >> with more romneycare! >> which he leaves that up to individual states! and i'm sure mississippi will step right up to the plate. [ laughter ] >> he's looking out for the middle class. >> he's promising a 20% tax cut for the top 1%. >> he's also promising to close their tax loop holes, so they'll still pay the same amount. >> then why cut their taxes? [ laughter ] >> i don't know. but i just don't see how a guy can change his beliefs overnight and still come off as creditable in a debate. >> oh, it's easy. here, let's switch sides. >> uhh...ok. [ laughter ] >> so now you're me. and i'll pretend to be you. i have postulated the theory mitt romney is a secret centrist pretending to be a conservative posing as a moderate. ipso fa
who got sucked in by romney? who got sucked in? you did! >> no, i didn't. >> yes, you did! >> knock it off. >> who doesn't like it when i talk like this? you don't! >> hey, if anyone "fell for it," it's you hard liners when you nominated mitt. for pete's sake, he gave us romneycare. the inspiration for obamacare! >> which he will repeal and replace! >> with more romneycare! >> which he leaves that up to individual states! and i'm sure...
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well, romney's hobby is campaigning. and my guest former astronaut mark kelley has written a new children's book. good night moon program. it's columbus day, don't another get to infect an indian. -- to infect an indian. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) i think you can tell by the energy energy in this room we get it on most every night. (cheers and applause) welcome, welcome to the report. good to have you with us. nation, i am still glowing from last week's runnaway debate victory for mitt romney. he's got the mitt-mentum. the mo-mitt-num. the rom-nentum. there's still no word for it, it's never existed before. he got a bump in the polls. campaign donations are rolling in. it's all good news! >> a september jobs report with the unemployment number now down to 7.8%, the lowest rate since the president took of
well, romney's hobby is campaigning. and my guest former astronaut mark kelley has written a new children's book. good night moon program. it's columbus day, don't another get to infect an indian. -- to infect an indian. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) i think you...
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my guest tonight has a new book on america's atomic arsenal in the 1950s. so it was a simpler time. ben we could blow up its world only nine times. please welcome evan thomas. (cheers and applause) >> hey, thank you so much. okay, sir, thank you for coming on here. you've got a new book. it's called ike bluff president eisenhower's secret battle to save the world. now i got a beef with ike that i didn't know i had. because i like ike, you like ike, everybody likes ike. turns out ike was a huge approximates ussy. (laughter) >> no, he wasn't. >> stephen: he was. he was. he was afraid of going toe-to-toe with the russskies in nuclear annihilation. >> he was not, he was brave, he was a brave soldier. but he didn't want to fight wars. he wanted to bluff the russians. 1950s. communism was on the march and he didn't want to fight a nuclear war. he didn't want to fight any kind of war but he bluffed with nuclear weapons. >> stephen: he was the ally. he knew that we won world war ii with nuclear bombs, did that escape his attention. >> he didn't want it to do hiroshima or nagasaki at home or
my guest tonight has a new book on america's atomic arsenal in the 1950s. so it was a simpler time. ben we could blow up its world only nine times. please welcome evan thomas. (cheers and applause) >> hey, thank you so much. okay, sir, thank you for coming on here. you've got a new book. it's called ike bluff president eisenhower's secret battle to save the world. now i got a beef with ike that i didn't know i had. because i like ike, you like ike, everybody likes ike. turns out ike was a...
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thankfully, fox news is fighting back with its own fair and balanced polling. >> we asked you tonight who will win ohio. 10% of you said president obama. 90% of you said mitt romney. thanks for your vote. we had more than 20,000 of them tonight. >> stephen: i don't know. i don't know. that poll looks like it oversampled democrats by 10%. but folks, i am so inspired that tonight i am conducting my own properly weighted poll. so go to colbert nation.com and make your voice heard by answering this question. president obama currently leads mitt romney in the polls. why are polls so skewed? a, people tend to choose the first option they are offered. b, i don't answer polls. c, when in doubt always pick c. remember, this is a scientific poll in that the results will be tabulated by a lab chimp. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. folks, my guest tonight is the creator of the tv series about the ravages of methamphetamine. the interview will be six and a half minutes but will feel like 30 seconds. please welcome gilligan. (cheers and appl
thankfully, fox news is fighting back with its own fair and balanced polling. >> we asked you tonight who will win ohio. 10% of you said president obama. 90% of you said mitt romney. thanks for your vote. we had more than 20,000 of them tonight. >> stephen: i don't know. i don't know. that poll looks like it oversampled democrats by 10%. but folks, i am so inspired that tonight i am conducting my own properly weighted poll. so go to colbert nation.com and make your voice heard by...
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great news, jay! i'm now paying you-- >> oh, awesome! >> stephen: -- to go to ohio and knock on doors for mitt romney. >> what? i'm voting for obama. >> stephen: shh! no one needs to know who you are voting for. the secret ballot is the bedrock of our liberty. now get in the crate. go on. come on, get moving. get in. all right. don't worry. there you go. don't worry, jay it's second-day air. okay? got some air holes for you there, buddy. okay? [hammering] how are those air holes, jay? >> fine, but there's nothing in here to eat. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: getting hot in there? [cheers and applause] save your receipts! thank you for doing this. thank you, fec or whoever employs the fec and made them vote this way. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] welcome back. thank you very much. nation, it's never been easy for a conservative like me to live in new york. it's the poster child for the liberal agenda, from public transportation to legalized broadway. [ laughter ] and things are only gett
great news, jay! i'm now paying you-- >> oh, awesome! >> stephen: -- to go to ohio and knock on doors for mitt romney. >> what? i'm voting for obama. >> stephen: shh! no one needs to know who you are voting for. the secret ballot is the bedrock of our liberty. now get in the crate. go on. come on, get moving. get in. all right. don't worry. there you go. don't worry, jay it's second-day air. okay? got some air holes for you there, buddy. okay? [hammering] how are those...
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believe candy crowley let obama wield the fan bladed lurpa but i have to say she looked great with the new hair extensions. now, they talked about a lot of things but everybody knew that mitt had one ace in the hole, libya gate. >> romney and his running mate have been hammering the president over this coverup for weeks. americans are asking, what did the president know? when did the president know it? which one is libya? and last night, last night, mitt had obama in his sights. >> it was a terrorist attack. and it took a long time for that to be told to the american people, whether that was some misleading or instead whether we just didn't know what happened you have to ask yourself why didn't we know. >> the suggestion that anybody on my team, from the secretary of state, u.n. ambassador, anybody on my team would play politics or mislead when we lost four of our own, governor, is offensive. that is not what we do. that's not what i do as president, that is not what i do as commander in chief. >> colbert: okay, okay, obama landed a good punch, but then romney asked the president the quest
believe candy crowley let obama wield the fan bladed lurpa but i have to say she looked great with the new hair extensions. now, they talked about a lot of things but everybody knew that mitt had one ace in the hole, libya gate. >> romney and his running mate have been hammering the president over this coverup for weeks. americans are asking, what did the president know? when did the president know it? which one is libya? and last night, last night, mitt had obama in his sights. >>...
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new polls have him tied with or leading the president and the "new york times" 538 blog now gives him a 28.6% chance of winning! he is on a rocket ride to plausible! (laughter) and, of course, in the face of this surge, obama has become desperate. yesterday at a california fund fund-raiser he warned the audience what it's gonna take to win saying "we're only going to do it if everybody is almost obsessive for the next 29 days." (laughter) that's right, obama supporters, right now you're only logged on to his web site, facebook page, twitter feed, youtube channel, mobile app, pinterest board, tumblr, flickr, spotify, storify and ins gram. he needs you to commence! folks, i'm worried obama's followers are obsessive enough to pull this thing off. actually, i think they're obsessive-compulsive. how else could he have raised $181 million in donations last month-- 98% of which were under $250! clearly his followers click the "donate" button, touch all the doorknobs in their house, donate again, then recheck the doorknobs because last time they might have touched one of them in the wrong spo
new polls have him tied with or leading the president and the "new york times" 538 blog now gives him a 28.6% chance of winning! he is on a rocket ride to plausible! (laughter) and, of course, in the face of this surge, obama has become desperate. yesterday at a california fund fund-raiser he warned the audience what it's gonna take to win saying "we're only going to do it if everybody is almost obsessive for the next 29 days." (laughter) that's right, obama supporters,...
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speaking of books, you have a new one here. it's called "vagina: a new biography. of thbiography. >> yes it is. >> stephen: i have no problem with that. i'm a mature adult, vagina, vavina, vagina. >> this is excellent. people blush is there not me. >> i'm proud of you. >> stephen: how's the vagina? >> well... ( cheers and applause ) it's a fair question. >> stephen: it is a fair question. >> it's a fire question. >> stephen: it's the first question, really. >> it's an ideal question. it turns out it's not doing as well as it should in our culture. >> stephen: really? >> yes, indeed, and this won't surprise a lot of people. 40 years into the sexual revolution-- quote, unquote-- there's porn everywhere, there's sexual information everywhere, but 30% of women self-report as a problem for them that they have low sexual desire and another 30%, some of the same women, some different, that it's a problem that they don't reach orgasm when they want to. >> stephen: what's the down side of not giving your vagina the attention it deserves? >> i will tell you. i am here to tel
speaking of books, you have a new one here. it's called "vagina: a new biography. of thbiography. >> yes it is. >> stephen: i have no problem with that. i'm a mature adult, vagina, vavina, vagina. >> this is excellent. people blush is there not me. >> i'm proud of you. >> stephen: how's the vagina? >> well... ( cheers and applause ) it's a fair question. >> stephen: it is a fair question. >> it's a fire question. >> stephen: it's the...